To My First Born

Dear Travis, The way I write is this: something rolls around in my mind over and over until I go "I gotta write!" Usually, my urge to write comes at bedtime. I have learned that when I get that urge it doesn't go away, there's no use in trying to sleep so I might as well get up and go write!

This is an exception. It is right before we have to go take Alyssa to cheerleading practice and while she's there, Pop and I are going to have a nice, quiet dinner with the last of our Christmas gift certificates. So, I'll probably have to save this as a draft and continue it at some other time.

I hope you will read it and know that you are in my thoughts, that I miss you and that I will always and forever love you and treasure the many childhood memories I have of you and your brothers growing up....

When I found out I was pregnant with you, even though it was not under the best of circumstances, I was elated! To think that I had life growing in me was amazingly awesome. To this day, pregnancy and new life are second only to the salvation experience in the miracles department, as far as I am concerned....

I remember the very first time I felt you move. It can only be described as butterflies (how appropiate!) in my stomach. I smile every time I think of it! Later on, as you grew within me, your movements felt more like "rollovers." I have always had a pretty strong back (no aches) but one day I had an excrutiating back ache. When I went to the doctor, he said you were positioned on my spine! You eventually moved and I was okay.

I was pretty small since it was my first baby but I felt HUGE. At Christmas time, right before you were born, your dad got me a pair of white GoGo boots. I wish you could've seen me, sitting on the floor, struggling, big o belly blocking my view and making it difficult to pull on those coveted new boots!

I always knew you were a boy. I wanted a son because I was a first born and I always wished I had had a big brother to look out for me. I came up with the name Travis after I heard it (I believe it was some country singer....) but your dad wanted to name you after his father so we compromised and you got his name as your middle. I remember how mad your Abuela got because I refused to consider any girl names. Back then the sex of the baby was a surprise. But I insisted that you were a boy!

The early morning hours of January 5th, I went into labor. We grabbed my bag and rushed to the hospital. I was so sick. At that time, they gave expectant mothers enemas if they had eaten a meal within so many hours. Talk about adding insult to injury! I was also very nauseated so I spent a lot of time throwing up and going to the bathroom all the while I was suffering contractions. Needless to say, I emphatically declared that I never wanted to have any more babies!

Finally, after a relatively short labor (it seemed like an eternity!), they put me under. Just like in the movies, I saw the mask come over my face and then I remember the bright lights of the delivery room. The next thing I knew, the nurse was trying to wake me. Isn't that just like the hospital? They put you to sleep and then they want you to wake up! The doctor came in and told me I had a boy. I may have been groggy but I smiled and said "I knew it was a boy! I told everyone it was a boy!"

When they put you in my arms, it was love at first sight. I remember thinking "He's mine!" I was in awe that I had grown a little human being inside me and now he was here and he was part of me!

I'm not saying that I did everything perfectly, but I took to motherhood quite naturally, I think. You were always a very compliant child, happy and content to play quietly with your toys. I wish I had written down all the cute things you said and did. I know you were bright and sensitive and inquisitive (nothing's changed in that regard!).

These are some of the things that stand out in my memories: You chugged a bottle (or at least some of it!) of Herbal Essence shampoo and blew quite a bit of bubbles afterward! The Thanksgiving we ate with friends and you put a little "present" in my hand! I taught you to sing John Denver's "Country Roads" which you performed at my company picnic and for Santa Claus and just about any time anyone asked you to! (I know, I know, you'd rather forget that.....)You thought I made the best cookies in the whole world and you always thanked me for taking care of you when you were sick. When the neighborhood bully with the knife locked you in his utility room , you banged on the door and yelled until he let you out. Then you ran home, threw your arms around me and told me "I thought I'd never see my mama again!"

One memory I'd rather forget was when you were about 2 or 3. You went to visit your Grandma Button and came back with a haircut like Jim Carrey in "Dumb and Dumber"! I was horrified. Your beautiful long shiny hair was butchered! Seems your Grandma thought you needed a haircut......

You were the ring bearer in Petra's first wedding (the first of many, many weddings you would later be a part of.) You looked so cute in your tuxedo! At the reception you danced the night away with Petra's cousin who was the flower girl and whose name happened to be--Amy!

You won third place in the Smokey the Bear drawing contest. I still can't figure that out. Smokey's face was green! Maybe whoever was judging thought that symbolized Smokey's quest to keep the forest verdant!

Stella Scott Sunrise School--where we first learned that you were gifted (extra smart). Somehow Mrs. Scott figured that out because you kept staring out the window! Remember when you were in the newspaper because you and your classmates wrote letters to the hostages?

There are so many memories, I know I'm only touching on a few..but I remember your starring role in "Harvey" at Wilson Junior High. It took quite a bit of stretching on your part to play the role of a drunk. I mailed out flyers inviting family and friends as if you were in a broadway play! I sat on the first row with Pop and your brothers and no one laughed harder or applauded louder....

Your stint as a runner. You were behind your friend John at first but later pulled up and ahead of him as we yelled and cheered you on. You would've thought it was an Olympic race the way we carried on!

Christmas time was always my favorite time of year! We would pile in the van and go from lot to lot trying to find the perfect tree! We would drive around looking at Christmas lights and every year we would stop at Braddock St. in Tampa. This house had a zillion (or so it seemed) lights! It was a tacky childhood fantasy to put it mildly. There were all the trappings of Christmas. Santa and reindeer and Frosty, trains and dolls and gingerbread houses and of course, a nativity scene. You boys would press your faces up to the plate glass window and marvel at all the "stuff"! And every year we would go back......

The Christmas that you were in the Living Nativity at Bayshore Baptist and it was freezing outside! Still, you bravely stood there in freeze frame in a thin costume for what seemed like an eternity.....

The Christmas when we lived on Wallace Ave. in Tampa and we were so poor that Pop and I got the hare brained idea to collect mistletoe, bag and sell it at the mall. We were both sick but we drove around in his white van and even recruited Roland and a couple of his friends to help us. Needless to say, you and your brother Shane got new bikes and Christian got a big wheel under the tree that year...

The Christmas I got you and your brothers to perform for your aunts and uncles! Remember "I'm Gettin' Nuttin' for Christmas"? I had to bribe Shane to do it because he was so shy! You sang solo on "Emmanuel" and did such a beautiful job.

Christmas morning always meant a breakfast at Village Inn complete with strawberry towers and chocolate chip pancakes.....many times before we opened our own presents. Then it was off to visit all the grandparents and relatives. After a long day, we would come home with a trunk load of new clothes and toys....

Church Avenue. Where you and your brothers rode your bikes and climbed trees and played with Richard and Joe. We played football and Toss Across and Lawn Jarts (Pop called them "Zarts".) Where friends of all colors and nationalities were welcome at our house. Where we had an abundance of pets like Rowdy( whom you had the audacity to name-Travis before I changed it!)and April and Gunnar and Wile E. Dogote (as you called him!). We also had the bunnies Fluffy and Marshmallow, the chicken, called amazingly enough--Chickie and cats, lots of cats! There was Kitty, Fleeta, Leya, Autumn (my favorite), Miracle (the one who got smashed in the recliner when Pop sat in it and surprisingly survived! And of course, our last little stray, Courtney who would be a family pet for 23 years!

Birthdays were always special no matter how much or little money we had! You and your brothers always had a party that included entertainment from scavenger hunts to sack races to any game I could think of......

I remember when we started going to First Assembly on Main St. in Lakeland and the youth group. I believe it was Shane Simmons who first welcomed you. Later when we moved to the new CHC, there were many youth leaders and pastors-Uncle Shelby, Tom Sloane, Rusty, Kevin and David and others and you liked them all. You became involved in the drama ministry and I was always amazed at how naturally you took to acting and how good at it you were. In particular, I remember the awesome monologue you did, Carman's "Lazarus" and the demon-possessed boy in "Behold His Glory". I know there were many other plays and skits that you were a part of....and I was always so proud! What is really cool is that you always wanted to play (at least that's the way I remember it) the part of young adult Scrooge and the part was always given to someone else. But you finally got your heart's desire at the church in Tennessee--only I wasn't able to see you in person (I did get to see the video and that was nice). P.S. You were awesome!

When we enrolled you in Evangel Christian School, it took an act of faith on my part to allow you to live with the Wise family. Not because they were anything less than wonderful, godly people but because I was giving my son up, albeit temporarily, to live in another city. The act was unheard of in my family, at least. But the Lord gave me the passages of scripture relating to Abraham giving his son Issac up on the altar and I had peace that God would give you back to me. And a few months later we were reunited when we all moved to Lakeland.....

I was so proud of you at your ECS graduation when you got to lead praise and worship. And I was equally proud of how hard you worked for your music recital at Southeastern College. You were wonderful! I remember at one time you had contemplated your "direction" at college and in life. I asked you what you loved, what you really wanted to do and you said you wanted to be in music. I said "Then go for it!" and you did......

I remember that I would get mad at your girlfriends whenever one of them broke up with you. What WAS wrong with them anyways? Why couldn't they see the wonderful young man I saw? Sometimes after a date, we would sit on your bed and talk for a long time about many things....

You never held a grudge against anyone and so were never mad for long! If I had any criticism, you always came up with something positive in the person's favor! It used to infuriate me but now I see it for the rare quality that is characteristic of you.....

How about the fun we had on trips playing "Name That Tune", or naming animals that begin with the letter_____or thinking up words with the letters on the license plates? I was always thinking up games to make trips less boring....

Remember the trips to the church in Lake City with the Hares- John, George Ann and Yvette? We would sing and talk "CB" talk back and forth from our car to theirs.....

Then there was my favorite joke about the "car door" and the bits from Issac Air Freight that would have me in stitches! Who could forget (well, Pop would rather forget it...) you and Christian singing "Me Ra Do"? (Will you sing that at my funeral?)

I will briefly (very briefly!) mention my cooking diasters.....usually your friends were my "guinea pigs" although I never really thought of them as such (really!). The disasters that readily come to mind were the "hardtack" cookies I made in which I forgot to add baking powder...and, (big gulp) the pancakes. You know, the ones with......applesauce in them......that you and Kris STILL won't let me live down....I'm not admitting to nuttin'! Anyways, I'm sure there are many times I....well, dinner was well done.....I think the smoke detector must have gone off a time or two....

There are so many fun and happy times that you shared with your brothers! Going to the beach, the movies, playing with the neighborhood kids, and your cousin Richard and the kids from Christians Anonymous and Bayshore Baptist. Little league football and soccer, going to the park and in particular--Brooker Creek, playing games, vacations in the mountains ( remember pictures with the "chief"?) and out west, Disney World, Sea World and Circus World, Silver Springs and Six Gun Territory, school plays, church functions, birthday parties and Fourth of July at the beach, Rowdies' games, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter......

When Alyssa came into our lives, you (and your brothers) were so wonderful with her! You helped feed her and change her. You played with her and patiently taught her things much like you do with your own children.....and she had not the one big brother I dreamed of but three to wrestle with and charm.....For years, Christmas time meant recital time. Miz Becky presented her own special entertainment. Even though we went to see Alyssa perform and all joking about the price of admission aside, we had great times at Alyssa's dance recitals, partly because of Becky and Roy's cornball brand of humor! I don't think they meant it to be funny but...the Titanic skit will live on.... Did you notice we were never allowed to sit on the front row again after that?

Travis, I wanted you to know that I am so proud of the wonderful husband and father that you are. Your hard work and your diligence to provide for your family are admirable. You are selfless and caring and I know that God sees and will reward your efforts.....

Thanks for the memories!

I love you always and forever,
Mom

What I Learned About Cheerleading

Competitive cheerleading is not the "2, 4, 6, 8 who do we appreciate?" chant complete with pom poms, school colors and wide legged leaps I remember from school days! Cheerleading has come a long way since then.....

This is what I have learned about the competitive sport of cheerleading: Girls and boys too, from tiny to tall doing back flips and handsprings and all manner of stunts...I saw girls with big thighs do the same back flips that skinny girls did. I saw a lot of flabby bellies. I have two thoughts on that: 1) I'm glad that ANY kid has the opportunity to compete regardless of the world's view that only skinny is beautiful and competent and 2) I'm concerned that these kids (including my own!) eat so much junk. What will they look like at 30?

I learned what a "flyer" is. That's the kid who is smaller, lighter and is chosen to be flipped and tossed in the air, who stands on the hands of her team mates and who learns to TRUST that she won't be dropped.....

I learned that competitive cheerleading means routines and dance moves. It means sparkly make-up and mostly raucous music. It means hair flying free and it also means pony tails and pig tails and cascades of curls but always it means hair ribbons! It means team work and lots of practice and....It means disappointment when all that hard work doesn't bring the trophy home......

Still, I'm proud that my daughter is a competitor. I'm proud that she does this because SHE wants to. I'm proud that she isn't afraid to fail. I'm proud that she knows how to be a part of a team. And most importantly of all, I'm proud she doesn't give up!

To My Darling Chloe

Dear Precious Granddaughter, Even though it has been a very long time since I have seen you, you are always in my heart! I think of you often and always with smiles! I think about how sweet and loving you are. I think about what a wonderful big sister you are to baby Halle. Do you bug your big sister Amanda? I can only guess that you sometimes do. Little sisters have a way of doing that!

I can imagine that you are a great help to your mom and that you are source of fun and joy to your father. Do you know that your dad played with his sister, your Auntie 'Lyss, the same way that he plays with you? I seem to remember that she too would hide in plain sight thinking that she was invisible! I remember the time your dad chased her around the house and she started shrieking "You're a priest, you're a priest," to him! He stopped in puzzlement and asked her what she meant. Alyss replied, "You know, you hurt animals!" Travis probably scratched his head for a moment before the "light bulb" came on and said, "Oh, you mean a 'poacher?' " Who knows what was going through her head!

I think about how cute you are and the cute things that three-year-almost-four year olds say. I wrote down almost every cute thing Alyssa ever said in something I called "Alyssa-isms". I know at the time, we thought EVERY new stage of her development was the "best". Still, it seems to me that the 3s and 4s were pretty memorable....

I'm very excited that you are going to spend some time with your big Uncle Shane, Aunt Angie and your cousin Landon this summer. As my grandchild, I'm quite sure you not only have a little Latin flavor in your blood but you have salt water in your veins! By that, I'm of course referring to the love of the beach and the ocean that runs in this family's blood! I just got through putting the pictures of our time at Siesta Key Beach in my album. I believe it was your first beach trip. As I recall, you loved it--sand, water and all! I know you will have a very special time with your family....

Even though, some of the things I've written probably will be above your head, at least you will know that I love you, miss you, and look forward to seeing you again, whenever that might be. Don't forget us, Chloe.....

Love always and forever,
Grandma

Discovery

It's kinda hard to keep several journals going at once! Wow, that's the computer age for you. I used to just have one written journal, then it was two--one personal and one spiritual. Now, I have several! The great thing about having my Oprah ones is that I can share them if I want to or not! And I have different ones for different reasons. This blog is fun or it can be, to get feedback from my team members. Is anyone out there????

This past Sunday was a really fun day for me. Doug and I went to our niece Danielle's wedding reception. She and her fiance (husband now) Andy were married on January 22nd on some rocks in Las Vegas. That sounds funny, I know, but it looked very pretty. I just don't know how to describe it as I'm totally unfamiliar with Nevada....It has just never been on my list of places I'd like to visit. I guess when you think of Las Vegas, you think of gambling casinos and wickedness, at least I do.....But Danielle and Andy were married in the wilderness or were they married in front of an Elvis impersonator? I've not received clarity, guess I'll have to go to Danielle or her mother for that.......

Anyway, the bride and groom were all decked out in their wedding clothes. The food was sumptuous and scrumptious! The music was great. I was tapping my toes all evening. I would've liked to dance the night away but Doug's foot was killing him so I had to be satisfied to dance a few slow dances with him and one with his step brother Kenny. The latter, I was roped into. I usually NEVER dance with anyone but my husband. That isn't a spiritual decision but a "I have two left feet and Doug holds me so tight he keeps me from falling down" decision! Surprisingly, I flowed along rather smoothly! I don't know if Kenny was so good of a dancer that he made me look good or if I was relaxed (no drinks, honest!) or if I just felt a quiet confidence that I've never known!(I did receive a ton of compliments.) But it was--great! I have always loved dancing and have always longed to be a good dancer. I just LOVE music. Maybe it's my heritage, I mean I grew up with a Latin beat all around me! But I was so shy as a child, so self-conscious, I hesitated to participate in ANYTHING that brought attention to myself and the few times that I ventured into that dreaded arena, I usually choked!

But back to the evening. Doug and I re-connected with family and acquaintances and both of us felt so received and it felt so good to see people we hadn't seen in a while. I felt all this LOVE coming towards me and flowing OUT of me.....

I would be remiss if I didn't add that it helped to have Shane and Angie there at our table. We so enjoy every time we get together with them! Our grandson is so loving and good and ADORABLE. After about fifteen minutes (the time it usually takes him to assess his unfamiliar surroundings), he warmed up to us and just about everyone else! He was hugging his Great-Great Uncle Paul and giving Doug and I enough hugs and kisses to melt us like the chocolate in the fountain! And then he got a dancing partner! Davy Lee's girlfriend matched him up with the most beautiful little blonde/blue-eyed dream of a girl.
For a while they just stood opposite each other holding hands,looking into each other's eyes, not moving. Then it was as if he realized HE was supposed to lead and he began to move back and forth! Well, you just would've had to have been there! My pride and joy in him made up for my not being able to dance more.....

We have the absolute BEST family. It took me many years to realize that. Just like in the family of God, people are imperfect. They have their quirks. But when there is a celebration to share in or when the chips are down, family are there for you......