Killing Me Softly

Sometimes I hesitate to blog because I think, "What in the world do I have to say that's interesting?" I mean my relatives and friends who blog all have small children. I do love reading about the challenges of motherhood and being stay-at-home and/or working moms.....and I smile because I am beyond all that. Sure, I have a teenager at home, my baby-turning-into-a-woman, my last (I promise!) child at home......so, what do I have to say that doesn't sound like I am, well, preaching?

Believe me, even though I have the tendency to preach at times (I admit it), I really have love and caring behind my motives. For instance, When I learn a truth, I want to share it. I want my family to be healthy, I want my daughter to grow into a God-fearing, unpredjudiced lover of humankind. I want her to use her God-given talents for the good of others. I want all of us to grow in grace and humility and the knowledge of God. I want us to love more, be more patient with others and be ready for whatever comes in the future....

But getting back to what do I have to contribute.....I am 55 years old. I used to avoid telling anyone how old I am. For years when my daughter was younger, I wouldn't tell her my age and she didn't know! Her friends all think I am forty-ish which pleases and amuses me to no end.....She tells them the trurth, of course and they seem shocked. After all, 55 is so....old!

Doug read from our wonderful devotional by Bob Gass on Sunday. Here it is: "No Experience Is Wasted" (Ex. 3:4 NIV).....
"God doesn't waste anything. He uses all our experiences--the good, the bad and the ugly- to prepare us. Moses grew up in a "foster home". He spent 40 years in Pharaoh's palace learning the language and ways of the Egyptians. That's vecause God was going to use him to lead Israel out of Egypt. What better preparation for understanding your enemy than to be raised among them. But Moses also needed to learn some personal lessons, so God took him out into the desert for another 40 years to tend sheep. The grandson of Pharaoh is now a lowly sheperd. nothing will humble you more than having to take a job for which you are over qualified, especially when it's your own failure that put you there. Those years on the poor side of town taught Moses what it's like to identify with the hurting. Finally at 80, he's ready to fulfill his calling. God spoke to him personally out of a burning bush, "Moses, Moses!" It was at this most unlikely place that God revealed to Moses his calling as Israel's deliverer. And even though he experienced fear, made excuses and raised objections, he ended up doing the job. The point is--Moses' 80 years of training weren't wasted. His 40 years in the palace prepared him to deal with Pharaoh, and his 40 years as a sheperd prepared him to lead God's people through the wilderness and into their destiny. So even though you may be going through a difficult time, rejoice. God never wastes an experience. Never! He'll use it for your good and His glory."

After hearing this and reading it again, I thought back to the time years ago when Doug and I had a terrible fight in front of our children. We were at our lowest point. But somehow, we managed to go to church (CHC). Rodney-Howard Browne was there that night conducting services and we sat at the very back of the auditorium. Now this was so unusual because we had been very involved in several ministiries in our church and had always sat in the front row or at least close to the front. But like I said, we were at a very low point in our lives. And God refused to let us hide... Our row was called down the center aisle of this massive church, down to the front and onto the stage! I felt as if every eye was on us......Rodney prayed for us and we went down on the floor. As I lay there, tears streaming down my face, all I could pray was "God change us or kill us"....my thinking was that I would rather die than go on living in the conflict that had become our lives behind the religious "mask"....

Years later, a friend of a friend of ours prophesied to us that we would be going through a "Job-like" experience. Please understand, we don't in any way, shape or fom equate ourselves with that godly man! "Great", I grumbled.... All I could think of was " more trouble".....I didn't see it as an answer to my prayer.....

It wasn't until recently that I can see how much we have changed and how we are learning to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and depend on God! We're learning to be content where we are and to wait on God's perfect timing instead of taking matters into our own hands.....We're learning to say "No, we don't need that" and to take responsibility for our choices.
We're learning that we can't change anyone, we can only change ourselves. We're learning that we don't know what God is doing in someone else's life any more than they know what God is doing in ours......

Yes, He is "Killing Us Softly" with His love....and I am so excited to see how He will use our experiences.....

P.S. Lest any of you get the wrong impression, I am madly in love with my husband and more so every day! :) I have Him to thank for that......